9 posts tagged “incubus”
"Floating down a river named emotion.
Will I make it back to shore
Or drift into the unknown?
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river..."
-Incubus (Aqueous Transmission Lyrics)
I love this song! I love Incubus! I'm sure I've said that before in some other post, but these guys are HELLA BOMB!!! I think that this song is soooooooooooooo pretty. It's peaceful, calm, and I love the unique sound that it has. The part from the lyrics that I posted kinda fits how I feel. Love is grand! Love is great! But love also brings about a lot of emotions that are unknown and a lot of complications. Sometimes it feels as if you're floating down a river not knowing if you'll make it back to shore or not. But ya know? I love it! Being in love makes you feel ALIVE! It makes life worth living for. When we learn how to love, then we learn how to live {love = life}! The mystery of love leaves you wanting more. No matter how many times love has left you hurt, disappointed, confused, indifferent, full of regret or whatever, you keep coming back for more. That may not be the case for all, but it is for me.
Hope all is well :)
IT WASN'T HIS TIME YET!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S HE'S GONE!!! I'm not a HUGE Heath Ledger fan (i did think that he was uber cute after seeing a knight's tale), but to hear that he died totally caught me off guard. It's so tragic *tearz* May he rest in peace (i know... i'm hella late! *lol*). I have A LOT to post about. There are sooooooooooo many things that I have to update about! First off, let's start with sthe move.
Well, things didn't go quite so smooth with my dad. I could no longer take being there. Our difficulties to communicate with each other really didn't help matters much. The fact that I felt like the red headed step-child compared to his doting daughter really set me off. Samantha is always happy and bubbly, and willing to go with whatever her father says. Whether it be right or wrong.
Me... I'm the type of person that likes my quiet time and isn't always in the mood to strike up/hold a conversation at any given time. I'm also the type of person to speak my piece about anything. I wont just sit there and accept anything. Especially if it affects me in a personal way. In other words... I'm not Samantha! My dad expected me to be so. So did the people that he hung around. Everything Sam did was praised, while I was basically looked down upon as the lazy and difficult girl, that just didn't belong in their close knit family. I always felt left out when it came to Sam and my dad. She followed him around like a puppy, and he was always there to pat her on the head and praise her with love. I will admit that I've kind of been pulling away form him (i mentioned this in a recent post of mine), but I still tried to be close to him. Even in the littlest possible ways. Samantha made that impossible.
I guess that it's only fair for them to be close. He wasn't around in her life all too much. I know how it feels to not have your father in your life. I mean... mine wasn't in mine for the major majority of my life. And when he did decide to show his face and step up to the daddy plate, at a time of where I'm about be grown and on my own... he left again (he's in prison for 2 years). So, I'm happy that Sam got a chance to get close to her father, but in doing so... I feel that I've lost the main father figure that I've had in my life. Am I jealous? A lilttle bit. I'm not going to lie about it. It hurt... it HELLA hurt to be in that kinda of situation. So, the best possible remedy was to move back with my mom. Sure it made things hectic for her, and me too, but I couldn't be somewhere like that. Nobody wants to be in a place where you feel that you're left out. I'm in Toledo now. I really wanted to stay to finish school at Inkster High, but things change.
I'm sure my dad didn't intentionally mean to make me feel that way and Sam didn't either, but all will be well in time. Maybe this time away will help my dad and I to come to a realization, and we can become close once again. Only time will tell.
I'm not enrolled in school down here yet (we're having technical difficulties with getting my records from i.h.s), so I've been working on my college essays, looking for jobs, and applying for financial aid. I went to school with my mom yesterday, so I got a taste of college life (community college life) and a chance to get familiarized with the city and it's bus system. I like Toledo! I think I've grown quite fond of it :)
On to other news. I finally got the scoop on whether I'm an actual senior for the year 2008. I AM!!! I'm just behind by three credits. I was on my way to taking the courses that I needed to graduate, but since I've moved... the requirements might be a little different here in Toledo. Whenever I get enrolled in school, I will definitely get that straightened a.s.a.p.!
I'm confused about what college I actually want to go to. Michigan State is my number one choice and I'm looking into the University of Michigan, but I'm attempting to get as far away from Michigan as possible. My mom suggested applying to her college, Owens Community College, so I did. It's basically an open door policy, so I'm bound to get in. That'll be one college spot that is secure for me. I think I'm going to start at a community college first and then switch to a university in 1 or 2 years anyway. My cousin and aunt in Alabama want me to look into some colleges down there, so that I'll be close to family. My grandmother and great grandmother hinted toward the same. My cousin in Ypsilanti, Mi was trying to guide me in the direction of Uof M and Eastern Michigan. I don't think my dad wants me to leave Michigan, and on top of all of that... Nate is going to college in North Carolina and he hinted towards me going with him. Brian did the same for Norfolk State (he'll be going there next year when he gets out of the marines).
I'M UTTERLY CONFUSED!!! I have many doors open to me, but I don't know which one to go through. My deadlines are coming up quick, and I'm not even set on one college! I have people telling me to go here, go there, come here, think about family, don't choose a college because of a boy... be INDEPENDENT!!! GRR!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well... I kinda do. My decision is leaning, more or less, towards whatever happens with another decision that I made last night.
I finally made a choice between Brian and Nate... and I chose.... BRIAN!!! I did A LOT of thinking, and I decided to seize the day (carpe diem), and give it another go around. Am I happy with my choice? Yeah. But I feel bad about not choosing Nate. I have my reasons though (i'm not going to go into detail about those reasons at the moment). I just hope that I made the right pick for all the right reasons. And I hope that Nate and I will still be able to be the bestest of friends, and things wont get "weird" between us. I still love him... I HELLA LOVE HIM! I always will. But... I'm taking my chances with Brian. Like I said... I've done A LOT of thinking, and I have my reasons. So with that said and done, I'm thinking about going to Norfolk.
#1: Norfolk is a HBCU, and I was trying my hardest to not attend one.
I used to want to go to Spelman when I was younger, but then I changed my mind. I want diversity. I want to to be around different people/personalities and cultures.
#2: I'm about to do what many people have told me not to do... choose a college because of a boy.
Yeah... I scolded myself a little bit. If there's one thing that I try to stray away from, it's making decisons based on what others want or because of a boy. So, why am I steering myself down that path? Like I said... I have my reasons. Reasons that I quite don't understand in full myself, but life is about taking chances. If later on I find that my decision is wrong, the only thing that I can do is learn from it and take what I've learned, and move on with life.
I might not go to Norfolk State. I might go to a community college or some other university close by. I don't know right now. If there's another go around for Brian and I, I don't want the whole long distance thing again. It doesn't bother me... but then again it does. Idk! We'll see what happens in the long run. As in the words of Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never Know what you're going to get."
I'm starting to live life in a new way. I'm learning to go which ever way the wind blows. I think that it's about time that I take the wheel and drive. Not saying that I'm leaving logic totally and completely behind, but saying that I'm going to start listening to "ME" I can't live life being scared and regretting not taking the chances in life that I come upon for granted.
Well, I've got to get to work on my essays and applications. Erius didn't have school today, so I have to attend to him while doing so. That should be fun (NOT *lol*)! I've been informed that my transcripts from I.H.S. are in the process of being faxed to my new school, so I'll be starting school soon hopefully.
Hope all is well in the VOX world :)
OH!!! Imeem is allowing access to embed music on other sites now, so I will begin adding music to my posts now! YAY MUSIC!!! I LOVE MUSIC!!! MUSIC = LIFE!!! Yeah... I'm waaaaayyy too excited about that *lol*
It's two in the morning and I'm still wide awake, listening to music and talking to Nate. Speaking of listening to music, I just want everyone to know that I made one kick butt Incubus playlist on Imeem! I LOVE INCUBUS!!!!!!! AND I LOVE THIS PLAYLIST (i can't post the link because you have to be a member of imeem in order to view it) !!!!!!!!!!! I just wanted to announce that because I'm bored and I was listening to that and I thought that it was the best playlist ever. Thank you for time for checking out this very important announce. I appreciate it :) I need to quit eating candy and go to bed *lol* I am soooooooooo frickin' tired, but I'm hyped up off of candy.
"Some people fall in love,
and touch the sky.
Some people fall i love,
and find quicksand.
I hover somewhere in between.
I swear,
I can't make up my mind."
-Incubus (quicksand)
My relationship is still "complicated" I guess. I asked (well texted)
Nate yesterday if we were still complicated... and I basically got
nothing from him. All I got was a ... back. WHAT THE FLIP SAUNDERS IS
THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!?!? To me, that tells me that he either
doesn't know, or doesn't want to answer the question. You know what?
I'm just about ready to call it quits. And I'm not joking this time!
The reason that our relationship is complicated, according to Nate, is because of the questions that I asked him. He didn't know what was going on in our relationship. Last week, I asked him these questions, out of curiosity:
1. Are you happy? (as in happy with our relationship)
2. Do you want to be together anymore?
I asked these questions, out of curiosity, because these were things that I was thinking about. The first question came about when I thought about what he said when we first got together. "Things are going to be different now." That's what he said. After being together for a while, I wanted to know if he still felt the same. I wanted to know if he was happy with our relationship. It's better to ask and make sure, instead of walking through life thinking all is fine and then one day everything just turns out to be not fine (does that make sense?).
The second question came about because I was thinking about some things that he said. Like I've mentioned before, Nate can say some stuff that can really hurt the "higgly puff" out of me. Not intentionally of course. Nate wouldn't say or do anything that would intentionally hurt me, because he would beat himself up about it. He would feel extremely bad that he hurt me. But anywho, some things that Nate says, even if joking, hurts me. I guess some things that I say may hurt him too.
There are times that I feel that we would've been better off with just being friends. And then there are times that I feel that maybe we can work through this. There is many a time that I think that maybe Nate feels the same way. And like I mentioned in the post about my craptastic day, I can't hold on to something that doesn't want to be kept. I guess that question also came about because of some things that I was feeling.
I haven't seen Nate since the beginning of last month. He "lives" in Sterling Heights with his grandmother, so that he can go to school, and he "lives" with his dad (who lives in detroit) over the weekends. The last time that he went to his dad's house was in the beginning of September. That was the last time that I saw him. I've tried to see him since then, but my attempts have failed. This is starting to feel like a long distance relationship.
My first relationship was a long distance relationship (chico/mikey), and that didn't work out so well. i wasn't exactly happy, although I knew what I was getting myself into from the start. I guess I wasn't affected by it as first, but it began to get to me over time. To not be able to see the person that you love whenever you want is a frustrating thing. To want to be in the arms of the person that you love, but knowing that you can't, is disappointing. It's a hard thing to deal with. Seeing what happened to Brian and I, because of a long distance relationship, I tend to think that the same will happen to me and Nate. So, that's how that second question came about.
Does it make sense that I asked these questions? Because the more I think about it, I start to ask myself, "Why in the world did you ask these questions? Was it really necessary?" Would things have turned out differently if I wouldn't have asked those questions? Or would things have ended up as they are now even without the questions? I have been thinking a lot in terms of our relationship. He has been doing the same too from what he told me, and I guess all this thinking is what's making us "complicated".
"If she really loves me like she says she does, then why is she asking all these questions?". That's what Nate said. To have someone question your love, hurts. I love Nate, and If I really didn't want to be with him, I would've broken up with him a while ago, instead of wasting my time with asking questions. Man, curiosity makes things worse than they already are. But you never know things unless you ask. I wanted to know the answers to these questions, and I got more than what i really wanted.
As the verse at the top of the post mentions (i love incubus!), I'm hovering somewhere between finding quicksand and touching the sky. I look at our relationship, right now, as being in quicksand. It looks as if it's sinking. And it's sinking fast too. Will it continue to sink into the unknown, or will we rise above our problems and continue to rise in love? I have so many things running through my mind.This would all be easier if I could just talk to him, but I don't know how to start. I can't find the words. I tired last night, but all I did was sat on the phone saying nothing. I knew what i wanted to say, but couldn't say it.
My mom brought up a very good point this morning. She said, "Why do you want to hold onto Nate?". The first thing that came to mind was: "Because he makes me laugh... I don't know... It's hard to explain!". she said that that was a cop out answer. My mom said that we try to hold onto to people because we think that we need something from them. And once we find what the "something" is, then things will become a lot clearer to us. I had this same problem with Chico/Mikey. Why am I trying to hold onto Nate? I have been thinking about that since my mom brought it up. Then I heard a song by Beyonce and I thought back to when I first met Nate, and my answer came to me.
I love Nate because he is Nate Smith! Meaning that he is him, and just loves being him. He doesn't try to be anything that he's not. He's focused on things that really matter, like school, instead of trying to get money and running in the streets. He's learned from his mistakes and he tries to make a difference in life. He has goals, and a plan for life. He loves me for me! That's why I love Nate and that's why I want to be with him. I guess I'm holding on to him, because I might not ever find someone like him again.
I guess love just wouldn't be love without all the complications huh? Why is love so hard? Why couldn't it be like in the movies? Why couldn't love be like the love that Noah and Ally had in The Notebook? Although they had complications, everything came out okay. They worked through their problems, and all was right with the world.
Well, I guess I should go and get my day started. Today is going to be a busy day. Hopefully things will get easier along the way. Whatever happens, happens. And all I can do is except it and move on with life.
Hope all is well :)
Show us which album tops your best of 2007 list so far.
It was tough choosing between Linkin Park and Incubus, but.. Linkin Park came out the victor in this battle. Their new album, Midnights To Midnight, is different from their earlier stuff, and I actually like it. They set out for something different, and I would have to say that they exceeded their goal. There are probably some people out there that think that they could have done better, but I LOVE 'EM!
Audio: Share what you're listening to right now.
Even Rats by The Slip. Off of their album, Eisenhower. I think that their sound is very unique. Especially in this song. I don't know what it is about them, but i like 'em! Well, they can't top Incubus, Count Zero, and Red. But I still like 'em though.
A decade ago,
I never thought I would be,
at twenty-three, on the verge of
spontaneous combustion. -Woe-is-me.-
But I guess that it comes
with the territory,
An omnious landscape of
never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear,
I need you to see
that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility
to me.
So pardon me while I burst
into flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn
and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...
I'll never be the same!
Not two days ago,
I was having a look
in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy
fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate,"
cause lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from
the burdens of
the planet Earth.
like gravity, hypocrisy,
and the perils of being in 3-D...
but thinking so much differently.
Pardon me while I burst
into flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn
and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...
I'll never be the same!
Never be the same, yeah...
Pardon me, while I burst into flames...
Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.
So pardon me while I burst
into flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn
and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...
I'll never be the same!
Never be the same, yeahh!!
-Pardon Me Lyrics (Incubus)
Things here at home aren't going so well. My dad and I are on the outs again. Yeah know... I really need to learn when to stop running my mouth, because all I ever do is get myself into a worser off situation than I'm already in. Why in the world couldn't I just have listened? Why in the world couldn't I have just let what was said go, and just left it as it was? I don't know!
It seems like my dad and I can never really get along. Well, not exactly get along. Let me put it this way, it seems like we can never have a decent conversation. We're like oil and water. We just don't mix. It's been like this for years. Now I will admit that I do get hot headed and lose my temper, and challenge his authority (i guess it's because I feel that he isn't my real dad, and that i don't have to respect him as much... idk). I'm not going to lie about that. I do, and I know it, so I'm admitting it. But, even when I'm being respectful, or whatever you want to call it, we still can't seem to get along. No matter how many times we've tried to have a conversation where there isn't any yelling and screaming, it never seems to work. I don't know what to do. Well... I know one thing that I need to do is shut up sometimes, but other than that... I just don't know what to do about it anymore.The situation especially gets worse when my mom isn't around.
I understand what he's going through. I actually and honestly do. Nobody would be happy to have their marriage ending and to have their family, basically, taken from them. That causes a lot of pain for him, and I understand. Whatever anger he feels towards my mom or just the whole thing in general, he takes it out on me when she's not here. For the longest time I could not think of a reason of why he kept doing this to me. I still can't think of one. Well, I guess it's because I look like my mom and have certain character traits like her, but still... I don't get it. Instead of talking to her his self and expressing his feeling, he holds it in. And then he lets it out on everybody else. There are times that I get upset at my mom for doing what she has done in either the present or the past, that has my dad feeling like this, but then I have to realize that it's not all her fault. My dad can't see that this all had to deal with the actions of two people, and not just one. He can't deal with her leaving and I understand that. To be honest, I haven't made his situation any better. My dad feels as if everybody is turning against him, or doesn't appreciate what he's trying to do (as far as working and bringing in money). Mainly he thinks that about me. I can see why he feels that way.
I haven't really been giving him too much attention. There are even days that I just breeze by him without saying a word. I don't even know why I do it though. I don't mean to do it, but I just do it. I ignore him half of the times, and others I only listen to half of what he's saying. He wants me to spend time with him and to be able to talk to him, but I just can't do it. I don't know why! He wants to be close to me and be able to have a kind of friendship relationship, like how I have with my mom. But... for some odd reason... I keep trying to pull away from him. And I know that that hurts him a lot.
I know my dad loves me. He has been in my life since I was about 5. He's the father figure that I used to look to when I was little. I used to want to go everywhere with him. He was my daddy! It didn't matter that he was white and I was black. He treated me like one of his own. He put me before his own children! He even gave me his last name! He would give his life for me! Even in knowing all of that... why is it that I still can't even give him the decency to just talk or at least hang out and stuff? Why do I keep trying to avoid him and push him away?
Being in the middle of a divorce is tough. Especially as a child. At this moment, I feel torn between my mom and dad. I feel like if I go with my mom I'll be turning my back on my dad. And that if I stay with my dad, I'll be turning my back on my mom. I don't know what to do. I got to the point one time that I actually started looking into trying to live on my own so that I wouldn't have to choose between the two. I know my mom wouldn't mind if I stayed with my dad, but my dad would feel as if I didn't care about him if I went with my mom. I want to go with my mom, but then again... I don't want to leave behind my dad. I worry about him a lot! I actually don't think that he'll be able to make it on his own.
He has started drinking everyday. To him, drinking is a need! He needs to drink! It's an escape for him. He turns to drinking to escape the pain form his job, his divorce, his bills, and just life its self! He doesn't eat like he should or take care of himself like he should, and it scares me. I try to hold in my fear and keep strong, but they're really starting to get to me now. I guess it's my fears that are pushing me away from him. I guess I'm trying to detach myself, so that if something was to actually happen to him I would be numb and wouldn't feel a thing. Nobody likes to feel pain. Losing my dad is something that I don't even want to think about. It would cause too much pain. I just don't know what to do anymore.
On top of all of that, I found out that my real father is in jail. He will be there for 2 years. I don't know if this sounds mean or not, but when he asked if I was going to visit him... I was going to say no. I'm still thinking of saying no. For 17 years of my life, he could never make the time to come and visit or even just call. For 17 years of my life, he could never be there. I mean, he was there for me at 16 a little bit... but not really. Now that he's in jail, he expects me to come visit him. He talks about he wants to do right and what not, but this just proves that he's never going to do any of that. If he really wanted to do right in life, he would've thought twice before deciding to sell drugs and carrying a concealed weapon. Now he's out of my life for another two extra years. But it shouldn't really matter to me. Seeing as how he was never really in my life to begin with.
When it comes to my father, I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I feel sorry for him and I try to come up with an excuse to justify everything that he does. And then on the other, I could care less about him. The first hand always outweighs the other. I respect my father more than my dad. How is it that I respect the man that hasn't been in my life at all, more than the man that has been? I can never tell him how I feel or hurt his feelings. I could never do it because I was afraid that I was going to lose him if I did. I thought that if I was good and nice enough, that he would stay around. Now I know how gosh dern stupid I was.
So am I wong? Am I a bad person? I don't even know what the heck I'm typing anymore. "Fluff" it! I need to just let it all out. No matter how mixed up and retarded this may all seem to me when I read it later *lol*
Things with my sister aren't going well. Sam and I have been pretty distant lately. I stick to my mom, and she sticks to her dad. Which is understandable considering that she had a relationship with him that I have with my father. I don't know... she and I have both been getting on each other's nerves. I've been snapping at her a lot. I don't mean to, it's just that she does some really annoying stuff at times. Hopefully we'll get over whatever it is that we're going through. She's the only sister that I have right now. My other little sister is in Lapeer, and I never get to see her. My big sis is in Ohio and she barely even calls or visits. Samantha and I are the closest out of the 4. I don't know when and where things got to where they are now.
Another thing that has been bothering me is Nate. I'm starting to care about the most stupidest things. And I really let them get to me. There are times I feel that things would've been better if we would've stayed as friends. Then there are times that I feel that we were meant to be together. I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes he gets on my nerves and hurts me (verbally! not physically! i had to clarify that my friend *lol*), and I just want to end it all, but then he does something that makes me fall in love with him all over again. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, and that he's only trying to do hid best. I really, really, really, really like Nate! I actually love him! He makes me smile and he makes me laugh each and everyday. Talking to him brightens my day. Just sitting on the phone for 3 hours with him, not saying one word, brightens my day *lol* I really want to be with him, but there are times that I feel that he doesn't want to be with me. I don't know where I get those feelings from, but they confuse the heck outta me. I get to the point of where I go back in forth in my head of if i'm going to stay with him or not. I'm at one of those points right now.
I haven't heard from Nate since he said that he would call me back yesterday. I ended up calling him back twice yesterday. When things went wrong with my dad, I even sent him a text asking if he could call a.s.a.p because that was a time that I need/wanted to talk to him. I haven't heard from him. He didn't call today, but I called him and he didn't answer. at this point, I'm beginning to think that's he ignoring. I don't know why the heck i think that everybody ignores me, but that's how I feel at this point. I don't know what to do! Am I taking this a little bit too personally? Am I just over reacting again? I don't know what to think or do! I want us to work out, but only if that's what he wants to.
I know I really need to stop joking around about breaking up with him, and stuff like that, but at times... that's how I really feel. To just end it and get this all done and over with is the easy way out. I don't want that. To be able to work through our irritations and frustrations, and whatever else, is what I want. I don't want to give up on this. I give up on and walk away from a lot in life, because of fear. Loving Nate is something that doesn't scare me. But then again... not being afraid of it is what scares me. If there's any real fear that I have in this, it's that at any moment it can all go away. They say that to love something is to know that it can be lost/gone at any moment. So, if it comes to that... There's nothing I can do but to let him go. I don't want to, but there are times in life that we all have to do things that we don't want to do.
Man, I have so much on my mind. With all of the mentioned topics above and school, I just can't take it anymore. I want it all to go away! Why can't life be easy? Why does love have to be so dern confusing and demanding?
*sigh* I'm extremely tired. I have a headache and any my back hurts. I think I'll take a nice warm bubble bath then just chill. I have been trying to get this post done all day! I've been writing since 7 something in the morning and now it's almost 12! I think I'm done rambling for now. I'm off to go chillax.
Hope all is well :)
*Addition Made September 23rd, 2007 at 8:28*
It turned out that Nate wasn't ignoring me. He was out of town and he didn't have a signal on his phone. So yeah... I was over reacting. With the crap that's going on in my life right now, that's not unexpected. There are still some things that I worry about when it comes to our relationship though.
Do you own all the albums of any particular musical artist or group? Who?
Submitted by dutterman.Not yet, but I'm trying to collect all the Incubus and Linkin Park albums and all of Avril Lavigne's albums too. Well, now that I think about it, I have all of JoJo's albums. so yes, I do own all the albums of any particular musical artist or group.
Have you ever met someone that you just... idk how to explain... click with? I have! While checking my facebook one day, I got a new friend request. I'm kinda touchy when it comes to accepting and making new friends on facebook and myspace, so I was going to reject it, but I am really glad that I accepted this request. At first glance, I thought that Nate (his name btw) would be like any other boy that sends me a request on facebook or myspace. Rude, ignorant, and just lookind for some tail (if you know what i mean *lol*). Bu t after talking to him after a while, I saw that I was totally wrong about him (never judge a book by it's cover *lol* ). He's a complete gentleman, he's funny, weird (in a good way *lol*), and he's... different! I don't know how we become best buds, but it was fast and kinda scary. But it's also wonderful all at the same time! We just clicked and became friends! We have sooooooooo much in common, and we're both geeks (we like books, video games (especially guitar hero), anime, manga, comics, music, and writing) *lol*. *sigh* He's the bestest buddy EVER (he even wrote me a poem (it's a funny poem*lol*)! and i wrote one for him too!)! And... I think I have a lil bitty crush *blush* ! But he has a girlfriend unfortunately :( . On the flip side, it's better to have him as a friend, than nothing at all. I'm gonna miss him when I move :(, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
I am soooo ready to go to school! I know that sounds weird coming from me, but I got something that gave me a lil inspiration. I got an "acceptance" letter from U of M!!! Based off of my ACT scores, I am a top scholar student! I didn't prepare for the test or finish it, and I got a 19! All I have to do is b ring up my g.p.a. I'm ready to get this high school thing done an over with!
Each day is another closer to me moving. At first, I was a little scared to be leaving my home town and all that is familiar to me, but then I realized that this is a chance for something new. This is a chance to explore all the open options that are out there. Being scared will get you no where in life. It's time to be a big girl and move on :)
I saw my father for the first time in a long time yesterday. It was a kind of painful visit, because he was drunk. He's no t supposed to be drinking, because of his diabetes, so that scared me. He nearly died one time! He quit for a while, but then he started up again, due to some things that he's going through right now. I'm worried about hi m, and I hope that things will get better for him soon.
Hope all is well :)
*note: sorry for the unusual spaces. the space bar is stuck *lol* i'll fix all mistakes soon!
