13 posts tagged “school”
It has been a while since I've updated on VOX. I feel kinda bad that I have been neglecting my VOX *lol* It's just that I haven't been up to writing all too much lately. There is much to write about, but I just haven't been in a sharing mood. I've been trying to catch up with school and getting ready for prom and the summer.
School is going alright. I messed up big time, and now I have to work extra hard to get my grades back to being decent. I'm in danger of failing because I haven't been going like I should. You would think that I would have learned my lesson the first time I did that and ended up behind, but old habits die hard. When it comes to school, I just don't motivate myself like I should.
Coming into a new school during the middle of the school year when everything is all settled and set in stone, is hard to transition into. I'm still learning my way around Bowsher and I'm finding it hard to get into things. The school year is almost over, so everything is pretty much limited. I was on the rack team for about a week. I loved it! I don't know what it is about running, but I love it! To me, it's a stress reliever and it helps me to focus. I was excited to be on the team, and I went to school more because of it.
After a couple of days, I just didn't feel as if I fitted in with the team. Most of them have been on the team since 9th and 10th grade, and had been conditioning for the season since the beginning of the school year. Because I was new, I was basically pushed t the side and I felt left out. So, I quit going to practice after a while and eventually I quit.
I spoke with my coach yesterday, who seemed pretty disappointed in my decision to quit. I told him that track wasn't for me, and that maybe things would've been different if I would have gotten on the team earlier. He got high hopes by thinking that I was a 10th or 11th grader and that things could still go well with me on the team, but was quickly disappointed again when I told him that I was a senior. I would have loved to stay on the track team, but I felt that it just wasn't for me. I might tr again in college. It all depends.
Because of my bad decision, I will be taking summer classes to try to get my high school diploma before fall college classes begin. I can still go to college while trying to get the rest of my high school credits, which is great, but I'm just highly upset at myself because I would've been done and graduating with the rest of the class of '08 if I just would've went to school on a regular basis.
At Inkster High, I was going to school all the time, and I was a 4.0 student! I was happy there. I was in ROTC and quickly moving up in the ranks, I was on the drill team, I was on the track team, and I was going for softball too. Now I'm a student that hardly goes to school, failing every class that I have, close to giving up and dropping out (it was a thought, but i'm not going to go through with it), and i detention all the time for tardies (long story).
All my teachers find it hard to believe that I'm failing, and they all want to see me pass. I'm trying my best to fix what I've done. It's hard, but it's my burden that I have to carry. I chose to do what I did, and now I'm dealing with the consequences.
In other news, prom is quickly approaching! Next Friday is prom, and I'm super stoked about it. My friend Paige is happy that I'm going. We're going with a big group of people and knowing Paige and her personality, I am bond to have fun. I don't have a date, but I'm not crushed about it. It is a known fact that going to prom is much more fun when you go alone. You get to flirt all you want and dance with who ever!!! *lol*
I'm going to look for a dress today. If I can't find one, then I have a back up dress. It's a cotton summer dress, and it's pretty. Cotton is a little informal, but I'm trying to work with what I have. It's black, and I'm going to have red accessories to accent it with, and a red flower to put in my hair. It fits the theme, and I could dare less if it's cotton. It's different! Which is what I wanted *lol*
Back to Paige (this is a link to her mypace. it's private, but her pic is there). She is one of the most out going and out spoken people that I have ever met. She kinda reminds me of Nate. She's always the life of a party and she seems to attract people where ever she goes. I'm there to listen to her talk when no one else is and she's there to talk to me when no one else does. She's my best friend, and the only one that I have at Bowsher. Sure, I disappoint her by not going to school all the time, but not matter what... she's still my friend. Going to Bowsher isn't so bad, sometimes, knowing that she's there to listen to and make me laugh :)
Summer s quickly approaching also. I'm planning to work at the zoo or cedar point during the summer. If I can't get a job at either of those places, then I'll be working at a fast food place. I don't now which yet. I've applied at McDonalds, but I haven't heard back from them.
Finding a job is hard. I'm planning to move out during the fall or late summer, and without a job... that's not going to be happening. I also have to pay for whatever my financial aid doesn't cover. I haven't sent in my FAFSA yet, so I'm not going to get too much money to cover all my expenses. I should have filled it out earlier in the year, but I'm a slacker *lol*
There soooooooooooooooooooooo many things that I have to do!!! Finishing school, finding a decent paying job, finding a decent apartment is affordable and close to school, keeping up with the NBA playoffs, and trying to keep myself sane... it's all hard work *lol* But I think I can make it through. I'm the daughter of Idadi! :)
In other news, my love life is kinda in the slow lane. I've been talking to a couple of guys that have caught my eye, but nothing fancy. All except for this one guy named Yusuf and this other guy named Sean (i met yusuf on myspace and sean and i both went to the same school but never talked to each other until he added me on facebook... i need to get out more *lol*).
Yusuf is HEE-LARRY-US! He's sweet and he keeps me laughing. Sean is sweet and he keeps me laughing too *lol* I like them both, but I'm not sure If I really want to get into a relationship right now. I still have some things that I have to work on and I'm still vexed by Nate. He has been pissing me off and irritating a little her lately (something that he may not know, but it's true), and I guess it's not because of anything that he did. It's more because of what I expected and because of my high hopes in him and what I think of him. So.. yeah. Sean and I are supposed to be hanging out sometime soon, so we'll see what happens when that time gets here. As for Yusuf, I really don't know. I really like him, but I'm still kinda iffy when it comes to him.
I'm quite happy to see that mi second madre is home and doing well. My prayers continue to go out to her and her family. I know that she will make a fast and successful recovery, and all will be well. She is tough :)
But anywayz, that's about ti for now. I guess I should get up and get ready to go if I plan on looking for a dress. I've been sitting around and playing NBA 2k8 all day. I just got it yesterday, and I LOVE IT!!!
Hope all is well :)
Hey VOX fam! I don't really have much to say today, but I just wanted to stop by and say hi! I'll probably do a real post either tomorrow, or sometimes over the weekend. There isn't really much to write about. There is, but not really anything important. The most important thing that I would have to update about is school. Yeah... I got some bad news about that. Not really, really bad news. It's more disappointing news than bad news really.
Well, I'm about to go and chill and watch movies with my mom. We had a snow day today, so that's about all that we've been doing all day.
Hope all is well :)
P.S.: Oh! Today is Banana Boy's Birthday! He turned 6 years old today! Man... it seems like it was only yesterday when he used to run around in his huggies with his bottle, calling me Ga-Ga. I kinda miss those days *lol*
IT WASN'T HIS TIME YET!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S HE'S GONE!!! I'm not a HUGE Heath Ledger fan (i did think that he was uber cute after seeing a knight's tale), but to hear that he died totally caught me off guard. It's so tragic *tearz* May he rest in peace (i know... i'm hella late! *lol*). I have A LOT to post about. There are sooooooooooo many things that I have to update about! First off, let's start with sthe move.
Well, things didn't go quite so smooth with my dad. I could no longer take being there. Our difficulties to communicate with each other really didn't help matters much. The fact that I felt like the red headed step-child compared to his doting daughter really set me off. Samantha is always happy and bubbly, and willing to go with whatever her father says. Whether it be right or wrong.
Me... I'm the type of person that likes my quiet time and isn't always in the mood to strike up/hold a conversation at any given time. I'm also the type of person to speak my piece about anything. I wont just sit there and accept anything. Especially if it affects me in a personal way. In other words... I'm not Samantha! My dad expected me to be so. So did the people that he hung around. Everything Sam did was praised, while I was basically looked down upon as the lazy and difficult girl, that just didn't belong in their close knit family. I always felt left out when it came to Sam and my dad. She followed him around like a puppy, and he was always there to pat her on the head and praise her with love. I will admit that I've kind of been pulling away form him (i mentioned this in a recent post of mine), but I still tried to be close to him. Even in the littlest possible ways. Samantha made that impossible.
I guess that it's only fair for them to be close. He wasn't around in her life all too much. I know how it feels to not have your father in your life. I mean... mine wasn't in mine for the major majority of my life. And when he did decide to show his face and step up to the daddy plate, at a time of where I'm about be grown and on my own... he left again (he's in prison for 2 years). So, I'm happy that Sam got a chance to get close to her father, but in doing so... I feel that I've lost the main father figure that I've had in my life. Am I jealous? A lilttle bit. I'm not going to lie about it. It hurt... it HELLA hurt to be in that kinda of situation. So, the best possible remedy was to move back with my mom. Sure it made things hectic for her, and me too, but I couldn't be somewhere like that. Nobody wants to be in a place where you feel that you're left out. I'm in Toledo now. I really wanted to stay to finish school at Inkster High, but things change.
I'm sure my dad didn't intentionally mean to make me feel that way and Sam didn't either, but all will be well in time. Maybe this time away will help my dad and I to come to a realization, and we can become close once again. Only time will tell.
I'm not enrolled in school down here yet (we're having technical difficulties with getting my records from i.h.s), so I've been working on my college essays, looking for jobs, and applying for financial aid. I went to school with my mom yesterday, so I got a taste of college life (community college life) and a chance to get familiarized with the city and it's bus system. I like Toledo! I think I've grown quite fond of it :)
On to other news. I finally got the scoop on whether I'm an actual senior for the year 2008. I AM!!! I'm just behind by three credits. I was on my way to taking the courses that I needed to graduate, but since I've moved... the requirements might be a little different here in Toledo. Whenever I get enrolled in school, I will definitely get that straightened a.s.a.p.!
I'm confused about what college I actually want to go to. Michigan State is my number one choice and I'm looking into the University of Michigan, but I'm attempting to get as far away from Michigan as possible. My mom suggested applying to her college, Owens Community College, so I did. It's basically an open door policy, so I'm bound to get in. That'll be one college spot that is secure for me. I think I'm going to start at a community college first and then switch to a university in 1 or 2 years anyway. My cousin and aunt in Alabama want me to look into some colleges down there, so that I'll be close to family. My grandmother and great grandmother hinted toward the same. My cousin in Ypsilanti, Mi was trying to guide me in the direction of Uof M and Eastern Michigan. I don't think my dad wants me to leave Michigan, and on top of all of that... Nate is going to college in North Carolina and he hinted towards me going with him. Brian did the same for Norfolk State (he'll be going there next year when he gets out of the marines).
I'M UTTERLY CONFUSED!!! I have many doors open to me, but I don't know which one to go through. My deadlines are coming up quick, and I'm not even set on one college! I have people telling me to go here, go there, come here, think about family, don't choose a college because of a boy... be INDEPENDENT!!! GRR!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well... I kinda do. My decision is leaning, more or less, towards whatever happens with another decision that I made last night.
I finally made a choice between Brian and Nate... and I chose.... BRIAN!!! I did A LOT of thinking, and I decided to seize the day (carpe diem), and give it another go around. Am I happy with my choice? Yeah. But I feel bad about not choosing Nate. I have my reasons though (i'm not going to go into detail about those reasons at the moment). I just hope that I made the right pick for all the right reasons. And I hope that Nate and I will still be able to be the bestest of friends, and things wont get "weird" between us. I still love him... I HELLA LOVE HIM! I always will. But... I'm taking my chances with Brian. Like I said... I've done A LOT of thinking, and I have my reasons. So with that said and done, I'm thinking about going to Norfolk.
#1: Norfolk is a HBCU, and I was trying my hardest to not attend one.
I used to want to go to Spelman when I was younger, but then I changed my mind. I want diversity. I want to to be around different people/personalities and cultures.
#2: I'm about to do what many people have told me not to do... choose a college because of a boy.
Yeah... I scolded myself a little bit. If there's one thing that I try to stray away from, it's making decisons based on what others want or because of a boy. So, why am I steering myself down that path? Like I said... I have my reasons. Reasons that I quite don't understand in full myself, but life is about taking chances. If later on I find that my decision is wrong, the only thing that I can do is learn from it and take what I've learned, and move on with life.
I might not go to Norfolk State. I might go to a community college or some other university close by. I don't know right now. If there's another go around for Brian and I, I don't want the whole long distance thing again. It doesn't bother me... but then again it does. Idk! We'll see what happens in the long run. As in the words of Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never Know what you're going to get."
I'm starting to live life in a new way. I'm learning to go which ever way the wind blows. I think that it's about time that I take the wheel and drive. Not saying that I'm leaving logic totally and completely behind, but saying that I'm going to start listening to "ME" I can't live life being scared and regretting not taking the chances in life that I come upon for granted.
Well, I've got to get to work on my essays and applications. Erius didn't have school today, so I have to attend to him while doing so. That should be fun (NOT *lol*)! I've been informed that my transcripts from I.H.S. are in the process of being faxed to my new school, so I'll be starting school soon hopefully.
Hope all is well in the VOX world :)
OH!!! Imeem is allowing access to embed music on other sites now, so I will begin adding music to my posts now! YAY MUSIC!!! I LOVE MUSIC!!! MUSIC = LIFE!!! Yeah... I'm waaaaayyy too excited about that *lol*
Hey VOX fam! I was supposed to be writing a post answering a question asked by David (who is new to vox btw) about one of my post (to wish you were someone else...) , but I unfortunately don't have the time to. I will write one soon though, because the question brought to mind a great topic for a post. So be looking out for that.
I've been busy with applying to colleges and trying to keep up with school. It's soooo tiring. I can't even keep myself awake at times! it's crazy *lol* But it's not really bothering me though. That means that I'm actually learning and working at school. I finally found a school that i like! Inkster High is AWESOME! Iove it there!
Well, I've gotta go get ready for school tomorrow and all that other good stuff. I write a real post either tomorrow or sometime over the weekend.
Hope all is well :)
A decade ago,
I never thought I would be,
at twenty-three, on the verge of
spontaneous combustion. -Woe-is-me.-
But I guess that it comes
with the territory,
An omnious landscape of
never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear,
I need you to see
that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility
to me.
So pardon me while I burst
into flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn
and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...
I'll never be the same!
Not two days ago,
I was having a look
in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy
fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate,"
cause lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from
the burdens of
the planet Earth.
like gravity, hypocrisy,
and the perils of being in 3-D...
but thinking so much differently.
Pardon me while I burst
into flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn
and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...
I'll never be the same!
Never be the same, yeah...
Pardon me, while I burst into flames...
Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.
So pardon me while I burst
into flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn
and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...
I'll never be the same!
Never be the same, yeahh!!
-Pardon Me Lyrics (Incubus)
Things here at home aren't going so well. My dad and I are on the outs again. Yeah know... I really need to learn when to stop running my mouth, because all I ever do is get myself into a worser off situation than I'm already in. Why in the world couldn't I just have listened? Why in the world couldn't I have just let what was said go, and just left it as it was? I don't know!
It seems like my dad and I can never really get along. Well, not exactly get along. Let me put it this way, it seems like we can never have a decent conversation. We're like oil and water. We just don't mix. It's been like this for years. Now I will admit that I do get hot headed and lose my temper, and challenge his authority (i guess it's because I feel that he isn't my real dad, and that i don't have to respect him as much... idk). I'm not going to lie about that. I do, and I know it, so I'm admitting it. But, even when I'm being respectful, or whatever you want to call it, we still can't seem to get along. No matter how many times we've tried to have a conversation where there isn't any yelling and screaming, it never seems to work. I don't know what to do. Well... I know one thing that I need to do is shut up sometimes, but other than that... I just don't know what to do about it anymore.The situation especially gets worse when my mom isn't around.
I understand what he's going through. I actually and honestly do. Nobody would be happy to have their marriage ending and to have their family, basically, taken from them. That causes a lot of pain for him, and I understand. Whatever anger he feels towards my mom or just the whole thing in general, he takes it out on me when she's not here. For the longest time I could not think of a reason of why he kept doing this to me. I still can't think of one. Well, I guess it's because I look like my mom and have certain character traits like her, but still... I don't get it. Instead of talking to her his self and expressing his feeling, he holds it in. And then he lets it out on everybody else. There are times that I get upset at my mom for doing what she has done in either the present or the past, that has my dad feeling like this, but then I have to realize that it's not all her fault. My dad can't see that this all had to deal with the actions of two people, and not just one. He can't deal with her leaving and I understand that. To be honest, I haven't made his situation any better. My dad feels as if everybody is turning against him, or doesn't appreciate what he's trying to do (as far as working and bringing in money). Mainly he thinks that about me. I can see why he feels that way.
I haven't really been giving him too much attention. There are even days that I just breeze by him without saying a word. I don't even know why I do it though. I don't mean to do it, but I just do it. I ignore him half of the times, and others I only listen to half of what he's saying. He wants me to spend time with him and to be able to talk to him, but I just can't do it. I don't know why! He wants to be close to me and be able to have a kind of friendship relationship, like how I have with my mom. But... for some odd reason... I keep trying to pull away from him. And I know that that hurts him a lot.
I know my dad loves me. He has been in my life since I was about 5. He's the father figure that I used to look to when I was little. I used to want to go everywhere with him. He was my daddy! It didn't matter that he was white and I was black. He treated me like one of his own. He put me before his own children! He even gave me his last name! He would give his life for me! Even in knowing all of that... why is it that I still can't even give him the decency to just talk or at least hang out and stuff? Why do I keep trying to avoid him and push him away?
Being in the middle of a divorce is tough. Especially as a child. At this moment, I feel torn between my mom and dad. I feel like if I go with my mom I'll be turning my back on my dad. And that if I stay with my dad, I'll be turning my back on my mom. I don't know what to do. I got to the point one time that I actually started looking into trying to live on my own so that I wouldn't have to choose between the two. I know my mom wouldn't mind if I stayed with my dad, but my dad would feel as if I didn't care about him if I went with my mom. I want to go with my mom, but then again... I don't want to leave behind my dad. I worry about him a lot! I actually don't think that he'll be able to make it on his own.
He has started drinking everyday. To him, drinking is a need! He needs to drink! It's an escape for him. He turns to drinking to escape the pain form his job, his divorce, his bills, and just life its self! He doesn't eat like he should or take care of himself like he should, and it scares me. I try to hold in my fear and keep strong, but they're really starting to get to me now. I guess it's my fears that are pushing me away from him. I guess I'm trying to detach myself, so that if something was to actually happen to him I would be numb and wouldn't feel a thing. Nobody likes to feel pain. Losing my dad is something that I don't even want to think about. It would cause too much pain. I just don't know what to do anymore.
On top of all of that, I found out that my real father is in jail. He will be there for 2 years. I don't know if this sounds mean or not, but when he asked if I was going to visit him... I was going to say no. I'm still thinking of saying no. For 17 years of my life, he could never make the time to come and visit or even just call. For 17 years of my life, he could never be there. I mean, he was there for me at 16 a little bit... but not really. Now that he's in jail, he expects me to come visit him. He talks about he wants to do right and what not, but this just proves that he's never going to do any of that. If he really wanted to do right in life, he would've thought twice before deciding to sell drugs and carrying a concealed weapon. Now he's out of my life for another two extra years. But it shouldn't really matter to me. Seeing as how he was never really in my life to begin with.
When it comes to my father, I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I feel sorry for him and I try to come up with an excuse to justify everything that he does. And then on the other, I could care less about him. The first hand always outweighs the other. I respect my father more than my dad. How is it that I respect the man that hasn't been in my life at all, more than the man that has been? I can never tell him how I feel or hurt his feelings. I could never do it because I was afraid that I was going to lose him if I did. I thought that if I was good and nice enough, that he would stay around. Now I know how gosh dern stupid I was.
So am I wong? Am I a bad person? I don't even know what the heck I'm typing anymore. "Fluff" it! I need to just let it all out. No matter how mixed up and retarded this may all seem to me when I read it later *lol*
Things with my sister aren't going well. Sam and I have been pretty distant lately. I stick to my mom, and she sticks to her dad. Which is understandable considering that she had a relationship with him that I have with my father. I don't know... she and I have both been getting on each other's nerves. I've been snapping at her a lot. I don't mean to, it's just that she does some really annoying stuff at times. Hopefully we'll get over whatever it is that we're going through. She's the only sister that I have right now. My other little sister is in Lapeer, and I never get to see her. My big sis is in Ohio and she barely even calls or visits. Samantha and I are the closest out of the 4. I don't know when and where things got to where they are now.
Another thing that has been bothering me is Nate. I'm starting to care about the most stupidest things. And I really let them get to me. There are times I feel that things would've been better if we would've stayed as friends. Then there are times that I feel that we were meant to be together. I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes he gets on my nerves and hurts me (verbally! not physically! i had to clarify that my friend *lol*), and I just want to end it all, but then he does something that makes me fall in love with him all over again. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, and that he's only trying to do hid best. I really, really, really, really like Nate! I actually love him! He makes me smile and he makes me laugh each and everyday. Talking to him brightens my day. Just sitting on the phone for 3 hours with him, not saying one word, brightens my day *lol* I really want to be with him, but there are times that I feel that he doesn't want to be with me. I don't know where I get those feelings from, but they confuse the heck outta me. I get to the point of where I go back in forth in my head of if i'm going to stay with him or not. I'm at one of those points right now.
I haven't heard from Nate since he said that he would call me back yesterday. I ended up calling him back twice yesterday. When things went wrong with my dad, I even sent him a text asking if he could call a.s.a.p because that was a time that I need/wanted to talk to him. I haven't heard from him. He didn't call today, but I called him and he didn't answer. at this point, I'm beginning to think that's he ignoring. I don't know why the heck i think that everybody ignores me, but that's how I feel at this point. I don't know what to do! Am I taking this a little bit too personally? Am I just over reacting again? I don't know what to think or do! I want us to work out, but only if that's what he wants to.
I know I really need to stop joking around about breaking up with him, and stuff like that, but at times... that's how I really feel. To just end it and get this all done and over with is the easy way out. I don't want that. To be able to work through our irritations and frustrations, and whatever else, is what I want. I don't want to give up on this. I give up on and walk away from a lot in life, because of fear. Loving Nate is something that doesn't scare me. But then again... not being afraid of it is what scares me. If there's any real fear that I have in this, it's that at any moment it can all go away. They say that to love something is to know that it can be lost/gone at any moment. So, if it comes to that... There's nothing I can do but to let him go. I don't want to, but there are times in life that we all have to do things that we don't want to do.
Man, I have so much on my mind. With all of the mentioned topics above and school, I just can't take it anymore. I want it all to go away! Why can't life be easy? Why does love have to be so dern confusing and demanding?
*sigh* I'm extremely tired. I have a headache and any my back hurts. I think I'll take a nice warm bubble bath then just chill. I have been trying to get this post done all day! I've been writing since 7 something in the morning and now it's almost 12! I think I'm done rambling for now. I'm off to go chillax.
Hope all is well :)
*Addition Made September 23rd, 2007 at 8:28*
It turned out that Nate wasn't ignoring me. He was out of town and he didn't have a signal on his phone. So yeah... I was over reacting. With the crap that's going on in my life right now, that's not unexpected. There are still some things that I worry about when it comes to our relationship though.
Hello my fellow VOXers! How are things? Things here are just peachy! Everybody's just ready for school and to trying to enjoy the last little bit of the summer. I know I've been M.I.A. for a while, but soooooooo many things have happened since I've last posted.
The Smith family got a new addition to the household. My sister, Samantha, has come to live with us! We're all super excited to have her here with us. The situation that she was in at her mom's house was not healthy for her, so we're just happy that's she away from all the stress and drama. I'm happy to have my sister with me ^_^!
Once again the moving plans have changed. I have decided to stay with my dad and Sam, instead of going with my mom. Samantha is one of my reasons for staying. Of course I didn't want to leave her, so that influenced my decision, and the other reason is... Nate.
Yes! Nate and I are officially a couple (he's the greatest EVER!). It all happened sooooooo fast. One minute we're friends... the next we're more than friends. It's crazy! I hardly even know him, but yet it feels as if I've known him all my life. I don't know how to explain it. I'm happy ^_^! What more can i say?
I really, really, really can not wait until school starts! Who would have thought that I would be excited about school? *lol* I'm excited about this school year. It's my senior year, which means I'll be in college next year (yay!!!), and I intend to make it the best year ever. Samantha and I are already making plans about what groups we'll be joining and all that other fun stuff. We've both decided to join the cheerleading team and the dance squad. We're both excited!
Well, that's all that I can think of that has happened so far. I think I'll head off to finish reading my book (nate got me two books: the color of magic and the amulet of samarkand (the bartimaeus trilogy, book 1). i'm reading the amulet of samarkand and it is AWESOME so far) and listen to The Fray.
Hope all is well :)
Have you ever met someone that you just... idk how to explain... click with? I have! While checking my facebook one day, I got a new friend request. I'm kinda touchy when it comes to accepting and making new friends on facebook and myspace, so I was going to reject it, but I am really glad that I accepted this request. At first glance, I thought that Nate (his name btw) would be like any other boy that sends me a request on facebook or myspace. Rude, ignorant, and just lookind for some tail (if you know what i mean *lol*). Bu t after talking to him after a while, I saw that I was totally wrong about him (never judge a book by it's cover *lol* ). He's a complete gentleman, he's funny, weird (in a good way *lol*), and he's... different! I don't know how we become best buds, but it was fast and kinda scary. But it's also wonderful all at the same time! We just clicked and became friends! We have sooooooooo much in common, and we're both geeks (we like books, video games (especially guitar hero), anime, manga, comics, music, and writing) *lol*. *sigh* He's the bestest buddy EVER (he even wrote me a poem (it's a funny poem*lol*)! and i wrote one for him too!)! And... I think I have a lil bitty crush *blush* ! But he has a girlfriend unfortunately :( . On the flip side, it's better to have him as a friend, than nothing at all. I'm gonna miss him when I move :(, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
I am soooo ready to go to school! I know that sounds weird coming from me, but I got something that gave me a lil inspiration. I got an "acceptance" letter from U of M!!! Based off of my ACT scores, I am a top scholar student! I didn't prepare for the test or finish it, and I got a 19! All I have to do is b ring up my g.p.a. I'm ready to get this high school thing done an over with!
Each day is another closer to me moving. At first, I was a little scared to be leaving my home town and all that is familiar to me, but then I realized that this is a chance for something new. This is a chance to explore all the open options that are out there. Being scared will get you no where in life. It's time to be a big girl and move on :)
I saw my father for the first time in a long time yesterday. It was a kind of painful visit, because he was drunk. He's no t supposed to be drinking, because of his diabetes, so that scared me. He nearly died one time! He quit for a while, but then he started up again, due to some things that he's going through right now. I'm worried about hi m, and I hope that things will get better for him soon.
Hope all is well :)
*note: sorry for the unusual spaces. the space bar is stuck *lol* i'll fix all mistakes soon!
Gosh I love summer! Not only does it give me a break from the stresses of school, but... well... I guess that's the best part about it *lol* I am really enjoying my summer. I haven't done much yet, but I would have to say that it has gotten off to a great start. I got to see my sisters (who i haven't seen since like... forever!), I've been swimming, I've gotten to hold my baby cousin, J.D Quatro (i thought that i wasn't going to be able to do that considering that his father watches him like a guard dog), and I got to see Spiderman 3 (it wasn't as good as the first two, but i love it anyway)! Oh yeah and...
THE VANS WARPED TOUR IS FINALLY HERE! This would be the best summer EVER! if I could go. I have finally broken out of my depression,and I am just enjoying and living life!
Nothing new has really happened. I'm staying in Detroit to finish school, and then I'll be heading out for North Carolina, or possibly Arizona, for college. That has been about the only new thing. I did have a topic in mind, but I seem to procrastinate on updating my VOX (i always seem to update it at the time that my mom wants the computer back).So, I guess i'll have to save it for next time.
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Well, I'm off to clean my room. It's an absolute battlefield in there. I usually don't let my room get bad, but I have been really lazy lately.
Hope all is well :)
*sigh* We all have those times where we just wanna get away from "it all". Where we just wanna let go of everything and find peace! That's how I feel right about now. Like I've mentioned before, I'm kinda depressed. Being depressed is no fun at all! I know what you're thinking, "You're young. You haven't lived yet! What do you have to be depressed about?".
Well, if you read my post (more ramblings from the mind of a confused teenage girl) that's one of the reasons. Another is, well... I have no social life what so ever! My social life is basically on the internet, and to me... that's pretty sad. Yeah, there's a few people that I talk to at school and I have a few good friends, but other than that... I guess you can pretty much call me a loner. Now I'm not going to say that being in the house is the whole reason. Me being shy is a way bigger reason that any.
I think I've mentioned this before. I'm extremely shy. I'm not the type of person that'll just run up and talk to any and everybody. I tend to stick to myself and wait around for someone to eventually approach me. I'm actually a very silly and hyperactive person, but I care about how other people think of me so not very many people know that. This has a lot to do with my self-esteem. Like I've mentioned before in previous posts concerning my self-esteem, after being teased one too many times in elementary and middle school... I've started to believe that what other people said about me was true, so now I basically stay in the shadows and give people the impression that I don't want to be bothered (if you've seen me in person... i always look like i'm about to beat somebody up. i do it so often... i don't even realize that i'm doing it *lol*). How could I possibly expect for people to just wanna be my friend if I act like I don't want to have any friends? I guess I can't. Yeah, so I need to really work on that.
About the not getting out of the house part. Being in a family that doesn't have much (as in money) is a real strain. I miss out on a lot, because of that. Another reason may be that I don't ask for help or anything. I have a few people that I can turn to if I ever need things (such as money), but I don't ask for their help. I don't know, I just don't like asking people for things (well, except for my parents *lol*). Especially money. Part of it is the shy thing, and another part is I just don't feel comfortable doing that. I don't know how to explain it. But yeah, my family doesn't have very much to work with, so that stresses everybody out. After sitting around and looking at each other like we're crazy... it tends to get frustrating (do ya'll get what i'm trying to say?).
School. Another big thing that has gotten me down a lot. I'm still working on it, but I still don't have the motivation that i need to get me through it. Yes, I know I have to motivate myself, but it helps to have some motivation coming from the outside. But yeah, I'm working on it.
There's more that has been getting to me, but I'll just save those for some other time. I'm not feeling all too well and my mom wants the computer back *lol* I'm off to bed. A nap sounds very nice right about now :)
Hope all is well
For the past couple of days, I have been just really out of it. I've been extremely tired, irritated, restless, and just completely emotionally and physically drained. A lot has been on my mind here lately. School, moving, what I'm going to be doing over the summer, my parents, my sisters, what's happening on spongebob, what retarded thing is blu doing on Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, and the Pistons championship drive. All the important and essential stuff. And of course, on top of all of that, Brian/Chico/Mikey/Brandon (he has too many names*lol*).
Yeah... I'm still going through the whole "Brian phase". He's been on my mind a lot lately, which is really funny because I haven't really been thinking about him. I mean, I still talk to him and all, but I haven't really given any real thought to him. I don't know why I'm still stuck on him! I feel that I'm missing something in a way. I don't know how to explain it. Honestly, I don't know what I'm feeling or what to think about this whole thing anymore (does that sound right?). Why am I obsessed with this one guy, when they're are so many others out there? Anywayz! We're going to move on to something else (i know ya'll are probably tired of hearing about brian and all *lol*).
School. Well, I'm still working on that. I'm not going to say that I'm putting all of effort into it, because that would be a lie, but I'm working on it. Moving. I can't wait! August 18th can't get here any sooner! My summer. I'm still planning that out. My parents. I'll post about that later. My sisters too, as a matter of fact. As for the other stuff that has been on my mind, it's all working out *lol*
*sigh* I am so gosh dern tired and out of it right now. I don't know what's going on with me. I've been like this all frickin' day! Well, I'm about to go take a ride on the sleepy time express.
Hope all is well with ya'll :)
